Understanding society’s dating problem and how this links to toxic masculinity
The Red Pill ideology is often associated with the “Manosphere” or “men’s rights movement”. This is a belief system that challenges the new ‘rules’ of modern society. The term comes from the 1999 movie The Matrix metaphor, where Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) offers Neo (Keanu Reeves) two options, a red pill and a blue pill. The red pill symbolizes the awakening to a harsh reality, while the blue pill represents remaining in blissful ignorance.
The Red Pill ideology describes the realization that men no longer hold any privilege or systemic power and that modern society is generally anti-male. They believe that men are the victims and the ones oppressed by a broken pro-feminist system. They maintain the belief that the Western World has slowly grown into a society that overvalues women and undervalues men.
Men who follow this movement believe that women and society have wronged them. Their “reality” is that women run the world and they can do pretty much whatever they want without taking any responsibility for it. This belief system brings a set of frustrations among men who follow this ideology, causing in some cases mental breakdowns that have led to suicide, “rape culture”, misogynist behavior, and male supremacist groups.
So, the question is, how did we get here and are the claims from the Red Pill Ideology accurate?
The answer is not so simple. I think there is a strong correlation between modern dating, the evolution of technology, and the increase in young men believing that women and society have wronged them
Modern dating is tough, finding love seems to be harder than ever. Data shows that over half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago. Dating apps are doing more harm than good. Ironically, most people believe that dating apps are the “only way” by default to meet new people and find love.
Dating apps/websites have been around pretty much since the Internet was conceived, Match.com was created and launched in 1995. However, online dating took off and became popular around 2012. The idea behind dating apps was to give their users a chance to meet people that they wouldn’t otherwise cross paths with in real life. Although a well-intentioned and kindhearted idea, dating apps ended up creating a new set of problems in society.
The main problem created was ironically, a lack of social interactions. In a world where dating and social media apps were created to connect people, we are more isolated and disconnected than ever. People slowly stopped trying to make new connections in real life. Why bother going out there and exposing yourself to embarrassment and rejection when you can access a larger pool of people and potential partners with the click of a button?
Meeting new people the traditional way became obsolete, and convenience killed the development of social skills. There is no longer a need to go out there to approach strangers and make new connections. Everything is through a screen now. As a society we are losing the art of flirting, creating communities, and developing meaningful connections.
People no longer know how to interact and behave around people outside in the real world. We feel awkward and weird when meeting new people. And we associate that feeling with the thought that there is something wrong with us. When in reality, that feeling is completely normal. We are losing touch when it comes to human connection and interaction, our social skills are rusty since we haven’t used them in a long time.
Communication and social skills are like a muscle. The more you work on them, the better and stronger they get. And the way of working on them is by practicing. By going out there and interacting with as many people as you can. There is no other way.
Are men really the victims here?
Most men who are part of the Red Pill Ideology lack communication and social skills, but they are not aware of it. When they get rejected by women, they immediately start resenting them. In their minds, these women are either divas, sluts, golddiggers, or extremely superficial. The story they tell themselves is that high-value women are nowhere to be found, and that’s why they are single.
For them, it’s easier to point fingers and blame other people for their loneliness or lack of success in the dating world. Instead of accepting and realizing that they might be making some mistakes when approaching women. This lack of self-awareness usually messes up their reality. Instead of working on their social and communication skills to increase their chances of scoring or finding a girlfriend, they believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
Belief systems are hard to change, we are quite attached to them. They become our reality. Changing them is accepting that we were wrong for a very long time. This is a tough pill to swallow, people would rather stay in their bubbles thinking they are right and that the world is against them than start taking action by taking control of their lives and changing their core beliefs.
Red Pill men live this reality, believing that it’s the world against them. And I get it, realizing that your failures or lack of success with women is on you, is painful. We don’t want to be our worst enemies, but more times than not we are.
Most people want to love and be loved. We seek that for most of our lives. Feeling unlovable is probably one of the worst feelings humans can experience. It usually takes us to a dark place full of resentment, sorrow, and depression. And when we don’t understand or know how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way, we find safety in anger.
How can we as a society address this issue?
Toxic masculinity comes from a place of anger, frustration, and hopelessness. This is tightly correlated with modern dating problems and lack of social skills. Understanding this is key if we want to move forward as a society. The world needs more empathy now. We are all struggling in different areas of our lives, and we deserve some understanding. You can dislike the behavior, but don’t devalue the person. However, that’s not an excuse for their behavior.
We need to go back to our old roots to some degree. Meeting new people organically. Getting ourselves out there and start interacting with others the traditional way. We should also help and encourage people who struggle socially to feel more comfortable and more accepted when they make the effort of overcoming their fears and insecurities by trying to socialize.
Bringing awareness of what’s really happening in society and how people respond to struggles, could help a lot of young men to understand themselves better and to realize that the world is not against them. Men also need to finally normalize mental health problems among themselves without feeling shameful. At the end of the day is up to them to get and achieve whatever they want in life. No one else is responsible or have control over that. Accountability is key and willingness to get better and to growth as a person is a must. We need to stop blaming others for our misfortunes and unhappiness.
The best way out is always through. Be humble, own your mistakes and embrace the pain of accepting a new reality. Stop believing everything you think. Most of those stories are not true.
