Young men are checking out of society at an alarming rate
It is 2023, and many men are checking out of society. Especially among young men (18-30). Yet it feels like it is not being talked about enough or even addressed how significant this issue is. Society has been busy addressing other issues like gender ideology, “toxic masculinity” (patriarchy), and trans rights, among others.
In order to understand why men are flat-out checking out of society, we first need to look at the different elements pushing men over the edge.
Unrealistic expectations
Over the years expectations of men have grown exponentially. Young men feel that in order to fit in and be recognized by society they need to check all the boxes of a long list of “minimum qualifications”. And they need to do it with ease because, at the end of the day, they are “privileged”, especially white men.
White men are not allowed to complain and whine about society, about the unrealistic expectations they experience, about the discrimination and hate they receive from society (mostly from the left) because they are “privileged”. And when they do, they are either ignored or mocked by society.
There is this notion that because most people in power are white men, every single white guy out there benefits from that advantage. It’s like they were born on third base. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
In fact, an argument could be made that the average white guy is at a disadvantage in modern society. It seems like getting things in life like jobs, promotions, college admissions, etc are no longer based on experience, accolades, or meritocracy. They are now based on gender, sexual orientation, and race (benefiting minorities). Companies would rather hire a minority with less of a resume than a white man. They want to be seen as progressive and diverse.
White men have become society’s common enemy. In the West, there is the belief that they are the root of all problems. The economy is bad because of them, there is systemic racism and discrimination because of them, and there is “oppression” because of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not absolving all men. There are some that are indeed racist, misogynist, pervert, homophobic, etc and don’t deserve society’s pity. However, they represent such a small and insignificant minority among them, that blaming all men for the behavior of a few is just flat-out wrong.
Most people don’t care what men are going through
Failing to meet unrealistic expectations in order to be accepted by society is already tough on anybody. But when you add alienation and mockery for not reaching those standards, it can be psychologically fatal. You can fuck up a person really bad really fast.
Men are pressured to be the absolute best version of themselves and be successful without struggling. Because if they struggle, whether by having self-doubts, anxiety, or even depression, society will label them as lame and weak human beings.
Talking about your problems, crying, or being depressed are signs of “feminine traits”. Masculine men just don’t do that. Is that a stereotype? It absolutely is. But we, men, feel like that all the time. We are afraid to open ourselves up to other people (friends, family, partners) because we don’t want to be judged and be seen as weak. We grew up in an environment where men need to “suck it up” and move on.
So, what happens when a person feels emotionally cornered and alienated by society? Well, best case scenario that person will isolate himself from society. Worst case scenario, mass murder or suicide. It is no surprise that 97% of mass shootings are carried out by men (only 4 were carried out by women in the last 40 years)
According to The Violence Prevention Project, 80% of mass shooters were in a noticeable crisis prior to their crimes. I’m by no means trying to excuse and justify such despicable and horrendous attacks. I’m just trying to shed light on possibly the root of such acts.
In the last 20 years, the suicide rate in America has increased by a staggering 37%. And according to the CDC, 75% of suicides in 2022 were committed by white men. These numbers are not pretty and sadly they are getting worse. A troubled mind would do unspeakable things just to get rid of the emotional pain and torture.
Loneliness epidemic
We just saw what the worst-case scenario is. The best-case scenario is pretty bad too, isolation. We are living in the middle of a loneliness epidemic, especially male loneliness. Ironically, we are supposed to be more connected than ever before, and yet we are experiencing the complete opposite.
Men find it more difficult to find somebody they feel comfortable to confide in. And it is not about trust issues, it is about the expectations of masculine behavior. We can be vulnerable but we can never show vulnerability. Showing vulnerability could be socially lethal. Expressing our emotions, feelings, and struggles is seen as a sign that we are not strong enough. A sign that we don’t have what it takes to be protectors. Sure, it is a fucked up perception and I disagree with that notion, but sadly that is how society sees it.
Loneliness is about the quality of our connections. We can have many “friends” but if we feel we cannot share with them our struggles and pain, then it is like having no friends at all. Understand this, you can be surrounded by people and yet feel lonely. Sadly, most men feel this way.
Most young men (18-30) are confused and don’t know what society wants from them. They feel they are always falling short and failing at life. In their minds, society has failed them. They were promised success and status in their communities since they were born with a privileged life at the end of the day. Such misconceptions can alter a person’s reality. He now has the pressure to deliver, the ball is in his court. The only thing he needs to do is to make it happen. Well, easier said than done. When he does not deliver or meet the unrealistic expectations he was given, the mind falls apart.
So many men suffer in silence and the biggest wars they are fighting are the wars inside of themselves. In their minds, nobody can be trusted and they will never be understood.
What can be done?
First of all, society needs to stop this notion of white privilege or male privilege. There is no such thing, at least in 2023. They are putting unnecessary pressure on young men. Another thing society needs to put an end to is the propagation and belief that the problems society is suffering are caused by the typical heterosexual man (especially white). This only creates alienation and resentment between groups.
Secondly, we as a society need to normalize men’s vulnerability. We need to create a safe space where men feel comfortable enough to speak out and open themselves up. These changes won’t happen overnight. But we can start having an impact by talking to our male friends and letting them know that we are there for them for whatever it is they are going through with no judgments. And if we want to make things easier for them and to make them feel more comfortable, we first need to open ourselves up and share our vulnerabilities with them. With that action alone, we could save many lives.
Lastly, this one goes to women. Give men who are not in the top 10% a chance. I understand you want to maximize your chances of getting the best available guy you can get by dating/seeking guys in the top 10% (in terms of success and looks). I get it, you don’t want to feel you have settled. But you’d be surprised by the number of amazing guys that are out there who are not 6 feet tall or have a 6-figure income that can make you very happy and would treat you a lot better than a guy in the top 10%.
Let’s keep in mind we are all humans with feelings, emotions, struggles, and frustrations. And we all deserve kindness, compassion, and understanding. Life is already hard enough for us to put unnecessary pressure on and make fun of other groups’ weaknesses.
