A guide to understanding where your social anxiety comes from and how to beat it.
Do you ever feel like others are judging you? Do you avoid social situations just because you are afraid of embarrassing yourself? If so, you probably suffer from social anxiety. In this article, I’ll share the main keys that have helped me overcome social anxiety
Social anxiety is a common mental health condition affecting millions of people worldwide. It is an irrational fear of being rejected, embarrassed, or judged by others. In other words, those who suffer from social anxiety tend to avoid gatherings, talking to people, and almost any kind of social interaction, because of the fear of being judged or rejected.
Before diving into the techniques to overcome social anxiety, let’s first address one of the biggest misconceptions about this condition. People who do not suffer from this believe that social anxiety has to do with being shy, awkward, or introverted. The reality is social anxiety has nothing to do with any of these (shyness, awkwardness, introversion). Social anxiety is about wanting to have a connection, feeling the need to connect with others but fearing rejection, fearing judgment.
This is a more common problem than we think. Around 12% of Americans are going to be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder at some point in their lives. That’s roughly 40 million people in the US alone.
In today’s society is harder than ever to manage social anxiety. We are more connected today than at any other time in human history, and yet, we are lonelier, more depressed, and more socially anxious than ever. And the sad part is that social anxiety not only ruins your life, it stops you from living it.
A key aspect of understanding your social anxiety is that it comes a lot from childhood. Around 50% who suffer from social anxiety, will develop it by the age of 11, and 80% by the age of 20. The reason why this happens is because we are very impressionable as kids. So if somebody made fun of us when we were young, we couldn’t understand that that event didn’t define us. Instead, we associate that particular situation with something being wrong with us. Carrying that feeling and thought with us to adulthood.
Strategies to Overcome Social Anxiety
1- The Spotlight Effect
We humans often overestimate how much people care about our positive and negative actions. We tend to always believe that the “spotlight” is on us and people are judging us. The main reason why we feel anxious around others is because we feel they are watching us and judging us. We don’t want others to dislike us. We want to fit in and be part of the group. The reality is that the large majority of people simply do not care that much about you. It’s just human nature. Most people are stuck in their heads thinking about themselves and not you.
Having the awareness of this concept is a game changer. There is nothing more liberating than realizing how indifferent the rest of the world is to what you are doing. It gives you so much freedom to be yourself.
It is fair to point out though that the feeling of freedom is easier said than done. You won’t feel like that at the beginning, it will take some time and practice until you feel like you can finally be yourself around others without having anxiety. Knowing about the Spotlight Effect and how it works is the first step to overcoming social anxiety.
2- Exposure Therapy
Exposure therapy can help you overcome social anxiety and the fears that come with it. This exercise is normally supervised by a therapist as part of a cognitive-behavioral treatment program. However, you can incorporate some of these exercises into your daily life without needing a therapist’s assistance.
The idea of exposure therapy as the name suggests, is to put yourself in situations where you are exposing yourself to be more social and interact with other people but in small steps. This could be from saying hi to the cashier at the grocery store to having a 5-minute small talk with one of your coworkers. The idea is to set up ridiculously small goals that are easily achievable and start building up from there. The more evidence you can collect that proves to you that you can be in social environments without feeling anxious, the higher your self-confidence will be.
A tip that can help you make the most out of exposure therapy is don’t beat yourself up if can’t do it at the first, second, or tenth time. It will eventually happen, don’t give up.
3- Improv Classes
As somebody who has suffered from social anxiety for a long time, improv classes helped me a lot to overcome some of my social fears. These classes are meant for people who want to step out of their comfort zone and get more comfortable in social situations.
The great thing about improv classes is that the majority of people sign up for similar reasons, they are shy, introverted, and want to come out of their shells. This creates a safe environment for everyone to be silly, try new things, and make new friends because, at the end of the day, they share a similar goal which is getting better at making new connections and feeling less anxious in the real world.
I encourage you to go ahead and try some of these techniques. Be socially courageous. When you do that, the opportunity for growth and purpose shines brighter.
And remember, the more you try the better. You won’t get less afraid, you will get braver.
Much love,
Daniel
