Why successful women have a hard time finding love.
It seems like we are experiencing a loneliness crisis in today’s society. Our tech environment is telling us it has never been easier to connect with other people and find love. And yet, it feels harder than ever. Successful women are experiencing this more than any other group.
One of the key imbalances in the dating world is that successful women are having a hard time finding love. This wouldn’t significantly impact society if the percentage of successful and independent women were low. Every year more women are becoming more successful, however, the same thing is not happening for men. In fact, the number of successful men in society is decreasing while the number of women is increasing.
This has created an imbalance of what we were used to as a species. Men were the providers, and the breadwinners while women were the nurturers. Whether you want to call it gender roles or societal norms, the truth is that the human species has lived like that for thousands of years.
What seems to be the problem? The problem is that the more successful a man is, the bigger his dating pool gets. Whereas, the more successful a woman is, the smaller her dating pool becomes.
The reason why this happens is that the top 10% of men (based on look and success) attract 80%-90% of single women. So, as a consequence of this behavior, we encounter the following:
- There is little incentive for the top 10% of men to settle down and start a serious relationship. Why would they? They have 8 out of 10 single women at “their feet”
- The top 10% of women are looking for someone at their level or higher. Therefore, they aim at the top 10% of men, the problem is that they are pretty much competing with almost any other single woman out there.
- By the 80% of women focussing on the top 10% of men, they are dismissing the 90% remaining.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
This creates a large pool of people who want to find love and settle down but find themselves in a position where it seems near impossible.
If you are a guy in the bottom 80%-90%, you pretty much have to go above and beyond to get a shot with a girl that is a your “level” or even slightly below. This is neither good nor bad, is just reality. You either accept it and adapt, or just settle in life, whether by remaining single or by being with somebody you are not really that excited about.
If you are a woman, you are all competing for that 1 man out of 10. You are setting yourself up for failure because it is pretty much a bloodbath. You know you have a shot just like every other girl out there, but the chances of you succeeding and keeping that man are very low.
I get it, nobody wants to feel they have settled. We go ahead and try to find the best available candidate (in some cases the unavailable ones as well). Trying to optimize relationships. We were taught that choosing a life partner is one of the biggest, if not the biggest decisions in our lives. That decision alone will create a ripple effect that will determine how successful and happy we will be for the rest of our lives. Evidently, we don’t want to fuck that one up.
So, what can be done about it?
By aiming for perfection, we create unrealistic expectations. This happens especially with women. They want the 6 ft tall guy, with a nice body, and a successful career, but that is also kind, caring, emotionally mature, and obviously single. Now, not every single woman out there has those ridiculously high standards, but the majority of them do.
Successful and independent women have even more ridiculous high standards. And I get it, they consider themselves as high-value and quite the “catch”. They don’t want to be with just any guy and that’s fair. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But at some point, they have to decide what they really want in life. And that’s where compromising comes into play.
Are they willing to be with a man that truly loves them, and supports them but is not as successful as them? or, do they want to find the perfect man on paper that probably doesn’t exist just like El Dorado?
The answer seems to be pretty simple, right? Well, here is the thing. Emotions and feelings are not rational. Even though we logically know what is best for us, emotionally we tend to go for the thing that doesn’t benefit us. In order to be successful in our love life, our rational self needs to be aligned with our emotional self. We need to ignore the shining object, after all not everything that shines is gold.
For the women out there who are reading this, don’t ignore the bottom 90% of men (those who don’t “have it all”), regardless of your socio-economic status. There are plenty of amazing guys out there who might not be as tall as you would like or as successful as you were hoping for. But they have kindness and work ethic, they are loyal and most importantly they will love you and support you like you deserve.
These men just want an opportunity. Give them a shot with an open mind and you won’t regret it. I promise you that.
You’ll be surprised what you find when you lower your standards and have more realistic expectations.
Much love,
Daniel
